beaches and pitches
where to begin...
just yesterday i heard word via the infamous "msn name addition" technique (ian - only one exam left!) of an expedition to the gabba, a nearby sports facility, to witness a clash of epic proportions: namely the meeting of the australian and west indies national cricket teams. what a charming idea, i thought. being a fixture of australian culture, i would be remiss if i didn't attend a real cricket match. gilchrist, ponting, and warne are revered! how bad could it be?
after ponying up my twenty-two dollars and meeting with our clan of observers (at around 10am -- remember that number), i found that our general admission tickets into the "licensed" section of the stadium gave us great seats! almost directly behind one of the batters, and about eight rows back.
the crowd managed to muster a cheer for the entrance of the australian players, but aside from that, the game began with very little fanfare -- i simply glanced at the field at one point only to notice that balls were already been thrown about and runners were moving to and fro. no national anthems here folks, it's right down to business.
australia began by bowling to the west indies. the game, carrying over from yesterday's utter trouncing (australia led by about 200 runs at the beginning of the day, and the west indies had only four wickets left in their first inning) began in a fashion i could only label as "relaxed". within approximately 1 hour, the remaining west indies lineup had been eliminated and it was australia's turn to bat once again. now the fun started.
i have yet to decide whether sitting in the "licensed" section was the day's demise or saving grace. not long after the commencement of the game, a dozen males in the midst of their respective mid-life crises began shouting tunes contained within their trusty (and lovingly laminated) "3rd inaugural cricket songbook". they had copies enough for most of the surrounding audience, thankfully. did i forget to mention that each one of them was dressed in traditional roman centurion garb (save the fact that the entire outfit was composed of pre-loved four-x brand beer packaging, with massive australian flags acting as capes)?
the rate of plastic beer cup accumulation was pretty incredible. another two hours of feverish drinking by the crowd saw the formation of a "beer snake" -- the warped result of hundreds of plastic beer cups being stacked within each other and extending throughout the audience. when witnessed, many onlookers from the decks above and in surrounding sections decided they should do their part, and a shower of plastic ensued, accompanied by the refreshing spray of unfinished mid-strength beer to augment the natural showers overhead. the beer snake met its demise after reaching a formidable length (i'd estimate about 8 metres -- we're getting into reticulated python territory here!), but many imitations sprung up if play got boring... when play got boring... play was just plain boring. my favourite copy-cat was a failed attempt to manoeuvre the snake into the deck above our ground section. i'll never forget the looks of anticipation as the snake head wobbled from side to side, awaiting the attention of a caring individual in the upper decks to aid in its continuing growth. the gnarled hand of gravity took hold, however, and yet another beer snake was reduced to rubble, to the visible dismay of its supporting cast.
what else, what else... the vast majority of the game took place with the constant distraction and potential beer-spilling phenomenon known as the beach ball. aussies see it fit to inflate human-sized beach balls they've purchased at various locations (often adorned in the ever-popular southern cross motif) and proceed to bat the behemoths around the stadium. the game seems to be to keep the ball afloat without letting it get onto the pitch itself. the latter happened all too often, and stadium security were forced to remove no less than thirty balls from the field at various times throughout the day, always greeted by a chorus of "boos" from thousands of upset participants.
"what's the score anyway?"
"who cares! try to hit this one back up into the deck above us!"
"hey, nice! you spilled beer all over me..."
the "boos" were both frequent and pronounced. when one fine lassy decided it was time the licensed section saw what is normally reserved for european beach-goers, her prompt removal by security was met with ubiquitous disapproval. any hard feelings were made up for by the screams and cheers awarded to any young, moderately attractive couple leaving the pitch together -- they were obviously going to give the ferret a run, as the aussies say, and darned if everybody shouldn't show their support!
the end of one unremarkable over (as most overs were) saw two young males storm the field to dance about, only to be forcefully removed by security. the crowd was unhappy. it seemed like anything that could possibly incite a riot was strongly encouraged, and anything pertaining to the game of cricket was frowned upon.
by 5:30pm, when the game was winding up (had i really been there for seven and a half hours? yes, yes i had.), brutish cops were still finding it necessary to escort certain party-poopers (or party animals, as the crowd seemed to think) off the premesis. in total, i'd estimate i saw a total of about fifteen people being politely (or less politely) asked to leave. and yes, two of them decided that trying to fight the police was a great idea. it didn't work out well for them.
the crowd came alive for 10 minutes at a time, specifically when both hayden AND ponting hit centuries (100 runs in a single standing). apart from that, the entertainment value lay undeniably off the field.
7.5 hours, 7 batters, 5 wickets, 83 overs, and 2 beers later (yes, i was taking it pretty easy, or at least that was probably the opinion of the man in the row behind me who, towards the end of the match, decided it was in his best interest to lick his beer from the puddle collecting underneath his feet on the stadium floor), i still can't deny that test match cricket is the most terminally boring game known to man -- but if there's one thing i learned from the local horde of gladiators, it would have to be...
well i couldn't really make out the words, but it sure was funny!
cricket's newest fan-for-life,
> ian
just yesterday i heard word via the infamous "msn name addition" technique (ian - only one exam left!) of an expedition to the gabba, a nearby sports facility, to witness a clash of epic proportions: namely the meeting of the australian and west indies national cricket teams. what a charming idea, i thought. being a fixture of australian culture, i would be remiss if i didn't attend a real cricket match. gilchrist, ponting, and warne are revered! how bad could it be?
after ponying up my twenty-two dollars and meeting with our clan of observers (at around 10am -- remember that number), i found that our general admission tickets into the "licensed" section of the stadium gave us great seats! almost directly behind one of the batters, and about eight rows back.
the crowd managed to muster a cheer for the entrance of the australian players, but aside from that, the game began with very little fanfare -- i simply glanced at the field at one point only to notice that balls were already been thrown about and runners were moving to and fro. no national anthems here folks, it's right down to business.
australia began by bowling to the west indies. the game, carrying over from yesterday's utter trouncing (australia led by about 200 runs at the beginning of the day, and the west indies had only four wickets left in their first inning) began in a fashion i could only label as "relaxed". within approximately 1 hour, the remaining west indies lineup had been eliminated and it was australia's turn to bat once again. now the fun started.
i have yet to decide whether sitting in the "licensed" section was the day's demise or saving grace. not long after the commencement of the game, a dozen males in the midst of their respective mid-life crises began shouting tunes contained within their trusty (and lovingly laminated) "3rd inaugural cricket songbook". they had copies enough for most of the surrounding audience, thankfully. did i forget to mention that each one of them was dressed in traditional roman centurion garb (save the fact that the entire outfit was composed of pre-loved four-x brand beer packaging, with massive australian flags acting as capes)?
the rate of plastic beer cup accumulation was pretty incredible. another two hours of feverish drinking by the crowd saw the formation of a "beer snake" -- the warped result of hundreds of plastic beer cups being stacked within each other and extending throughout the audience. when witnessed, many onlookers from the decks above and in surrounding sections decided they should do their part, and a shower of plastic ensued, accompanied by the refreshing spray of unfinished mid-strength beer to augment the natural showers overhead. the beer snake met its demise after reaching a formidable length (i'd estimate about 8 metres -- we're getting into reticulated python territory here!), but many imitations sprung up if play got boring... when play got boring... play was just plain boring. my favourite copy-cat was a failed attempt to manoeuvre the snake into the deck above our ground section. i'll never forget the looks of anticipation as the snake head wobbled from side to side, awaiting the attention of a caring individual in the upper decks to aid in its continuing growth. the gnarled hand of gravity took hold, however, and yet another beer snake was reduced to rubble, to the visible dismay of its supporting cast.
what else, what else... the vast majority of the game took place with the constant distraction and potential beer-spilling phenomenon known as the beach ball. aussies see it fit to inflate human-sized beach balls they've purchased at various locations (often adorned in the ever-popular southern cross motif) and proceed to bat the behemoths around the stadium. the game seems to be to keep the ball afloat without letting it get onto the pitch itself. the latter happened all too often, and stadium security were forced to remove no less than thirty balls from the field at various times throughout the day, always greeted by a chorus of "boos" from thousands of upset participants.
"what's the score anyway?"
"who cares! try to hit this one back up into the deck above us!"
"hey, nice! you spilled beer all over me..."
the "boos" were both frequent and pronounced. when one fine lassy decided it was time the licensed section saw what is normally reserved for european beach-goers, her prompt removal by security was met with ubiquitous disapproval. any hard feelings were made up for by the screams and cheers awarded to any young, moderately attractive couple leaving the pitch together -- they were obviously going to give the ferret a run, as the aussies say, and darned if everybody shouldn't show their support!
the end of one unremarkable over (as most overs were) saw two young males storm the field to dance about, only to be forcefully removed by security. the crowd was unhappy. it seemed like anything that could possibly incite a riot was strongly encouraged, and anything pertaining to the game of cricket was frowned upon.
by 5:30pm, when the game was winding up (had i really been there for seven and a half hours? yes, yes i had.), brutish cops were still finding it necessary to escort certain party-poopers (or party animals, as the crowd seemed to think) off the premesis. in total, i'd estimate i saw a total of about fifteen people being politely (or less politely) asked to leave. and yes, two of them decided that trying to fight the police was a great idea. it didn't work out well for them.
the crowd came alive for 10 minutes at a time, specifically when both hayden AND ponting hit centuries (100 runs in a single standing). apart from that, the entertainment value lay undeniably off the field.
7.5 hours, 7 batters, 5 wickets, 83 overs, and 2 beers later (yes, i was taking it pretty easy, or at least that was probably the opinion of the man in the row behind me who, towards the end of the match, decided it was in his best interest to lick his beer from the puddle collecting underneath his feet on the stadium floor), i still can't deny that test match cricket is the most terminally boring game known to man -- but if there's one thing i learned from the local horde of gladiators, it would have to be...
well i couldn't really make out the words, but it sure was funny!
cricket's newest fan-for-life,
> ian
posted by ian at 4:58 AM
1 Comments:
I must say you pretty much nailed the event! I was laughing all the way through it, I have to print this out so I can read it in 40 years to remember this and dream about the golden aussie days!
Post a Comment
<< Home